There is a Season

January 30, 2025

When my daughter Ella was a baby, she caught a mid-winter cold that lingered until late spring. It wasn’t alarming: just a persistently runny nose, restless nights, and, oh, the whining! She remained irritable through early milestones—first steps, first words, new foods—until her crankiness seemed like her defining trait. My mind began to label her a "difficult child." But that would have been a big mistake, because of two plain truths: 1) Kids change. 2) Expectations about kids—positive or negative—influence how they change.

It wasn’t easy to avoid seeing Ella as a whiny, listless baby, but I knew that would risk reinforcing it. So I told myself daily: “Today she’s cranky and needy, but someday she won’t be.” That simple reminder helped me parent with patience and optimism.

Several years later, when Ella struggled to learn to sound out words and string them into sentences, it was tempting to label her a "slow reader." We homeschooled, which gave us freedom, but also pressure to solve the issue ourselves. I knew how dangerous that label could be—if Ella internalized it, it could affect her self-concept for her whole life—so I focused on her progress instead of her pace, however slow. By age 12, she had caught up.

Parenting has taught me that the truths you see today aren’t always the full picture—and they may not even be the most important truths. The tantrum-throwing toddler might be a future peacemaker. The child struggling with numbers might someday prove the Riemann hypothesis.

Kids move through seasons at their own pace, just as nature does. Winter feels endless—and this one does, particularly, don't you think?—but eventually, it melts into spring. Hang in there.

—Deb